I’m all about creating thriving, passionate relationships, but sometimes a couple becomes too toxic together, and it’s healthier to be apart. It is essential, however, to have a gauge for when a relationship is still repairable vs. detrimental to one’s well-being.
Recently I interviewed Lisa Concepcion, Dating & Relationship Transformation Expert. We discussed what can happen when you hold on too long, what infidelity is really about, and what it takes to get a relationship to a healthier and happier place. Of course, we also got real about when it’s over.
Here is some of Lisa’s wisdom regarding choosing divorce and when a relationship might be saved:
When it comes to divorce, if there is deep love at the core, then it is certainly worth making an effort to explore how to transform the relationship because it is possible, provided both parties want to. When one party has moved on emotionally (checked out) and doesn’t see a future in the marriage any longer and just isn’t open to transforming the union; then it is best to end the marriage and focus on creating a new relationship if co-parenting is to happen or, seek support to get through the divorce process with minimal stress and an agreed-upon strategy.
Sometimes you need to “detox” from your partner to focus on self-love and healing. It can begin with an internal conversation that leads to hitting the “reset” button. When having that conversation, you might find yourself questioning “can it be saved?”
If you decide “yes it can,” then there are a few things to keep in mind. See if there is love at the core, and then look at the problems and try to figure out if they are more external than internal. If the issues seem to be more external, start to pinpoint the root of those problems. Your partner may seem checked out, or maybe it is you that has taken a step back. We all know one of the leading causes of external problems is that word we all hate to hear, yes, I’m referring to infidelity.
Seeking attention outside of the relationship, on either parties’ end, is a slippery slope that could lead you or your partner down a detrimental road. When it comes to an affair, we have to look at the basic harm. It will shatter trust and respect. I have found that infidelity tends to deal with a lack of self-love. We need to love ourselves before loving someone else. Sometimes the reality is, love just is not enough, especially when cheating plays a part.
Whether dealing with faithlessness or merely sharing differences, if there can be no resolution it is, unfortunately, time to know when to end it. Not all relationships are salvageable once headed past the point of no return. You might find yourself asking, “Ok, well how do I do this while departing amicably, with my dignity?” To be honest, it’s not easy, but it’s also not impossible. Talk with your partner and see where their head is at and if you are both on the same page. If you are in agreeance, the next step would be coming up with an exit strategy together. No matter how hard it may be or how much it hurts, in the end, it is about being completely realistic. Figure out what you want for yourself and let that be your guiding light.
Specific signs to end it…
1. Infidelity with no remorse or desire to end it
2. Physical or mental abuse
3. Addiction / substance abuse
4. They physically moved out
Specific signs to save it…
1. Desire to save it
2. Genuine love for one another
3. Still having sex, even sharing a bed
4. Hope for more connection instead of less
Do you agree with Lisa’s suggestions and approach? Obviously, there are a million grey areas when it comes to evaluating where your relationship is. However, sometimes we find ourselves turning away from the truth so we can avoid the pain of what the outcome should really be. Unfortunately, there is no perfect answer, but talking with someone who is completely unbiased may help you gain clarity and create a plan for moving forward.
XO – Midori
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Lisa Concepcion is a Certified Professional LoveLife Coach and Founder of LoveQuestCoaching.com. She helps success minded people to thrive in their love lives starting with love for themselves. Based in Miami Beach, Lisa Co-Hosts the Podcast Love & Tacos with Fox News Anchor Robert Burns and has a YouTube channel with over 700 videos and 1 million views.