What is Negative
Negative self-talk is a repeating dialogue people have in their heads, often about limits to their own capabilities, excuses for non-action, and false beliefs about self.
Common Examples of Negative Self-Talk
After listening to over 300 clients as a mindset coach, here are the most common myths people tell themselves:
I feel stuck in life…
I've made so many mistakes in life…
I’m not smart or experienced enough to…
I will always struggle with financial problems
I have so much self-doubt and I can't move forward
Destructive self-criticism creates a 3-step cycle we call the “Belief-Behavior Loop Effect”, as explained below.
The Belief-Behavior Loop Effect
The cycle begins with a belief you have about yourself. A common belief is, "I'll never be financially successful".
This limiting belief is supported by your actions, choices, and behaviors. Using the example above about your inability to be financially successful; your supporting behavior may include procrastination, wasting money on low quality marketing or products, or a low client close rate.
You end up with negative results, feeling defeated, having low self-esteem. The worst part is you’ll repeat this cycle continuously until you ultimately throw in the towel.
How to Overcome Negative Self-Talk
To start replacing your negative self-talk with empowering beliefs, remember the 3 A’s System:
1. Awareness - Identify Every Limiting Belief.
Use the question below to help you discover what you’re saying to yourself. Think of something you’ve wanted to accomplish, become, or do for a long time but have not because of excuses that rise up.
I’d love to _____, but I'm resisting because ______.
Then ask, 'what's scaring me from taking action?'
For example: I’d love to become an author, but I don’t have enough time, experience, or money right now.
Once you’ve filled in the blanks, go back, and examine your reasons for not achieving your desired accomplishment.
Keep asking yourself what's scaring you and why, until you have vetted all your rationalizations. You should have uncovered a few beliefs holding you back.
2. Action - 90-Day Blueprint to Rewire your Mindset
Now that you’re aware of the negative thoughts you want to change, you need a plan to make it happen. My clients create a 90-Day Success Blueprint, where we take these 5 proven actions to replace negative thoughts:
Write out your common negative self-statements
Get crystal clear on the goals you want to accomplish
Outline specific steps to break the cycle
Create weekly accountability calls to keep pace with your goals
After 90-days most negative self-statements will be gone, and many goals will be achieved.
3. Accountability - Someone to Have Your Back….
You may have crystal clear goals and intentions. However, it is extremely easy to be thrown off course, lose momentum due to a setback, or get distracted by a shiny object. Having a group, mentor or coach is often the determining factor in your level of success. They're there to push you through challenges and ensure you’re sticking to your plan.
Think of a fitness trainer you hire. How many times have you put off going to the gym because you’re tired, unmotivated, or too busy? However, if your trainer is expecting you, you’re far more likely to go and work out harder.
Now, imagine you’re working toward your goals in your 90-Day Blueprint and then a wrench comes flying in to your life. Your taxes are due and require your attention. The promotion you expected is given to your rival. Your kid comes home with a weak report card, and you realize he needs more help. How common is it for confidence to decrease, excitement to evaporate, and momentum to be lost? Having a person you’re accountable to will keep you on course!
When your negative beliefs are replaced with empowering ones, success and joy are a natural outcome. Your decisions become clearer and easier because your mind isn’t cluttered with self-doubt.