Updated: Nov 3, 2020
Have you ever wondered why you complain about certain things? I’m talking about the ones that get under your skin, bugging the crap out of you. Here are a few common examples: nagging by your spouse, lack of money, slow drivers, sloppiness. Ya get where I’m going?
Through analyzing these irritating issues you may uncover your subconscious, limiting beliefs and negative thoughts that challenge you.
Michael's Story of His Limiting Belief Discovery
I had a client – we'll call him Michael. He complained of how his colleagues sucked up his time due to their “incompetence." The more he talked about it, you got a sense that he might just explode.
After a couple of minutes listening to his winded rant, I asked him:
#1 Why he felt responsible for making up for their inequalities
#2 Did he think this way in past positions
It took Michael a good 30 seconds to respond, as he pondered my questioning. He finally said, “I’ve rarely gotten along with my colleagues. I’m the one who works harder than others and often stays later to make sure my work is done properly. I have friends outside of business who I enjoy so, it must be that I pick the wrong jobs.”
It all began to make sense to Michael. He was overcompensating for his co-workers as he did for his brother. The mental recording he had carried from his childhood was it’s unsafe not to be perfect. The limiting belief was if he wasn’t taking care of others’ mistakes, it could be dangerous.
Obviously, as an adult, this belief was no longer accurate or helpful. It didn’t take long for him to replace this false truth with one that served him better. He stopped feeling responsible for others, which led him to become happier at work and form relationships with co-workers.
Peel Back The Onion Layers
The first step is to create awareness of what you tend to complain about most.
Next, ask yourself endless questions until the origin of your peeves is revealed.
Here are a few to try:
Why does this issue annoy me
How long has it been a concern
How does this relate to my past
Why do I react so strongly - fear, shame, hurt
What behavior patterns, limiting beliefs, negative self-talk are associated with your complaint?
Once you find the core association put the annoyance in perspective. Ask yourself if it truly is such a big deal? How is it hurting me - do I get overly upset? Does it affect my day? Do I want to change my reaction?
The next step is to create a plan of action to change your thoughts regarding the energy you put toward this issue.
Check out my article on the 3 Steps to Replace Negative Self-Talk to help you at this stage.
The final step is to implement your plan and practice. Watch for opportunities to use your new approach and mindset. Over time, you’ll see that the original concern no longer evokes frustration or negativity. The goal is to enjoy more happiness and fulfillment in life.
Remember, we’re all a work in progress, so keep at it!