Do you often find yourself having a hard time saying “no” to people? Are you overwhelmed with everything on your plate and wish you could clone yourself so you can get more done? Has it been weeks or months since you had a REAL day off? Well, you might be a people pleaser!
People-pleasing isn’t as wonderful as it sounds. Of course, we want to make people around us happy, but people pleasers tend to do it to their own detriment. Oftentimes, it’s because we want to be well-liked or make a great impression on our boss – “Look at me, I will do whatever it takes! I’m the best employee!” Are images of being the teacher’s pet resurfacing?
I’ve even had entrepreneurs tell me they feel it’s a business tactic. Here’s what I ask, “ Is the focus more on customer service or on being liked by the client”? There’s a big fat difference. Get it wrong and you’ll earn yourself the title of bestie instead of trusted advisor. It’s hard to get yourself out of the friend zone!
How to Become the Go-To Person On Your Terms
Unfortunately, people-pleasing tends to allow others to walk all over you. They know you’re the go-to person for virtually anything, so they never have a problem asking you. While it might feel good to be in high demand, I would like to offer a challenge: be the go-to person for a FEW things.
Be really, really good at those things and be the person who can do them better than absolutely anyone else.
Is People-Pleasing Syndrome Making You Sick
I offer this challenge because I believe people-pleasing is an illness we conjure up ourselves. We spend our energy focusing on what other people need and want while sacrificing our personal priorities. After that, real illness follows…
How often are you finding yourself stressed, tired, anxious, even perhaps lonely? Have you stretched yourself so thin you’re forgetting to take care of ‘ol #1? (That’s you, by the way).
In fact, my client, Rebecca, was so concerned with making others happy she lost a great deal of money. She’d give them ‘loans’, and when it came time for collection they all had heartbreak stories.
To make things worse, when Rebecca needed help these same people magically disappeared.
How to Stop Being A People Pleaser and Empower Yourself
It’s time to learn a very valuable lesson. One that’s going to take a lot of practice.
How to say “no.”
It’s the very first lesson in taking control of your life. Learning how to say “no” before your schedule is packed allows you to finally begin to do whatever you want with your free time – something you may have had very little of (if any) before today.
Learning the skill to say “no” helps you realize you actually have control over your destiny. Seriously! Your days don’t have to be controlled by the things other people are trying to pile on you. Suggest they find someone else to do it or hey, how about this – they handle it themselves!
Here are some tips that may help you muster up that courage to say “no.”
• Realize that doing too much can hurt the people closest to you. The health of your relationships depends on the time you have to nurture them. This includes your relationship with yourself.
• Let go of things. Change your mindset to one that doesn’t hold onto that which is in the past. Don’t ruminate on things you might have been able to do, or things you feel you did wrong.
• Confront your anxieties. Ask yourself why you feel the need to people-please all the time? What are you avoiding? When you make decisions rooted in anxiety, you aren’t thinking clearly and inevitably will cause yourself even more anxiety.
• Be true to yourself. Listen to that voice in the back of your head that keeps saying, “I wish I had more time to do ---.” The only person who isn’t allowing yourself to fulfill that wish is you.
Start building the habit of doing things for yourself. You’re breaking one bad habit and replacing it with one that serves you better, so it can take a bit of time.
Results from Becoming a Reformed People-Pleaser
Shifting your mindset in these ways is the first step in changing your life – in taking control and becoming truly happy. Stand confident in your decision to say no, reminding yourself of the important reasons why. You deserve to give that gift to yourself.
Download my free Mindset-Reset Workbook to help you start replacing your People-Pleasing behavior.