How To Stop Negative Self Talk

how to stop negative self talk


What is Negative Self Talk?

Negative self-talk is an inner, mental dialogue often about limits to capabilities, excuses for non-action, and false beliefs about self.

Common examples of negative self talk

After listening to over 300 clients as a mindset coach, here’s the most common myths they tell themselves:

  • I’ll always be stuck…
  • I’m never going to make that much money…
  • If I make a mistake I’ll be rejected or humiliated…
  • I’m not educated/smart/experienced enough to…
  • I don’t have the traits/skills of those who are more successful than me…

Destructive self-criticism creates a 3-step cycle we call the “Belief-Behavior Loop Effect”, as explained below.


The Belief-Behavior Loop Effect


Phase 1: Your Belief

The cycle begins with a belief you have about yourself. A common belief is, I can’t ever be financially successful.

Phase 2: Limiting Belief Response

This limiting belief is then supported by your actions, choices, and behaviors.

Using the example above about your inability to be financially successful; your supporting behavior may include paralysis, wasting money on poor quality marketing or products, or a low client close rate.

Phase 3:  Result

You end up with poor results, feeling defeated, having low self-esteem. Worst part is you’ll repeat this cycle continuously, until you ultimately throw in the towel.

Talking down to yourself and avoiding conflict is so easy that it becomes a crippling cycle, which crushes our confidence and traps us in a comfort zone.

Over time these views become stronger and get harder to correct, unless you find a way to get yourself off this endless racetrack, to open the gate to a more positive road.

How to Stop Negative Self TalkHow to Overcome Negative Self Talk

To start replacing your negative self-talk with beliefs that empower you and invite success, remember the 3 A’s System.

1. Awareness – Identify every limiting belief.
Use the question below to help you discover what you’re saying to yourself. Think of something you’ve wanted to accomplish, become, or do for a long time but have not because of excuses that rise up.

I’d love to _________________, but I’m resisting because ______________.

Then ask, ‘what’s scaring me from taking the action?’

For example: I’d love to become an author, but I don’t have enough time, experience, or money right now.

Once you’ve filled in the blanks, go back, and examine your reasons for not achieving your desired accomplishment. Keep asking yourself what’s scaring you and why, until you have vetted out all your rationalizations. You should have uncovered a few beliefs that have held you back.

2. Action – A 90 Day Blueprint to Rewire your Mindset
Now that you’re aware of the negative thoughts you want to change, you need a plan to make it happen. I have all my clients create a 90 Day Success Blueprint, where we do these

5 proven things:
• Write out your most common negative self statements
• Get crystal clear on the goals you want to accomplish
• We outline specific steps every day to break the cycle
• Weekly calls to keep pace with your goals

After 90-days self statements will be gone, and goals will be achieved.

3. Accountability – someone to have your back….
You may have crystal clear goals and intentions. However, it is extremely easy to be thrown off course, lose momentum due to a setback, or get distracted by a shiny object. Having a group, mentor, or coach is often the determining factor in your level of success. They are there to push you through challenges and ensure you’re sticking to your plan.

Think of a fitness trainer that you hire. How many times have you put off going to the gym because you’re tired, unmotivated, or too busy? However, if your trainer is expecting you, you’re far more likely to go and work out harder.

Now imagine you’re working toward your goals in your 90-Day Blueprint and then life happens. Your taxes are due. That promotion you expected is given to your rival. Your kid comes home with a weak report card, and you realize he needs your help. How common is it for confidence to decrease, excitement to evaporate, and momentum to be lost? Having a person you’re accountable to will keep you on course!

When your negative beliefs are replaced with empowering ones, success and joy are a natural outcome. Your decisions become more evident and easier, because your mind isn’t cluttered with self-doubt.

Common examples of negative self talk